"If a fell beast swoops down on you, look out."

"Even if it's the farmer, you'll be killing him one on one."

"What's that mean?"
"I don't know; It sounds vaguely elvish."

"Hey, look at this!"
"AGGGGHH!!!"

"Everyone get in here; I open one of the jars."

"Give me a hand here. I can't carry all of this."

"Maybe they're the seven dwarven rings."

"Who cares!? I'm Sauron."

"You're a prettier orc than we have in our group."

"Any last words?"
"Why'd you have to be at the TOP of the hill?"

"I'm pregnant with pizza and fighting for two."

"There would be lots more monsters coming after us if I had a 3x."

"Leave that man alone. Can't you see he's catatonic?"

"Let's kill something for fun."

"We triangulate on the demon with mopey dogs."

"It's clearly a very potent sheep killer."
"Yep, got one."

"I think the demon came out of the amulet, beat up the guy, beat up
the sheep."

"Did they buy a 10 ft pole?"
"No, but that could be why they died."

"Help him! He's burning! Put him out!"

"Let's go get that Gondorian to look in here."

"You know, maybe a resistance spell would help him."

"I don't know, he's in too much pain, let's dress him up like a little
girl."

"Who else wants to smash? My arms are getting tired."

"Your boy, he stole some stuff of ours. Do you want us to mess up your
tree house?"

"The dwarves are coming over. Don't dust."

"We'll just wait 'til the cliff erodes to ground level."

"Short straw gets to sack their kingdom."

"I was going to tear up all her furniture and use my wood-craft and
leather-craft to make comfy chairs."

"Yo tengo el orco."

"Throw out the ring! He doesn't own it!"

"Well, I guess you won't see the Halls."

"What do you know. You're riding a lesser war horse."

"Eat flaming death, scum."

"Fire is good; it's all that separates us from the crows."

"What are we, sparrows or Gore-crows?"

"Ichor-weasels, those are my arch-nemesis."

"You know, Dave, I actually find that interesting."
"Me too."

"That seems unlikely, yet reasonable."

"Synergy. That's what it is. They're both more nuts than they are
individually."

"There are not nice trolls, just like I don't think there are smart
dwarves."

"Awww, c'mon baby."

"I've fallen and I can't get up."

"Evil wasn't so tough when we were in Mordor."

"What'd you do? Throw all your equipment at him?"

"Does that mean I'm evil?"

"My kidney! It's in intense agony!"

"Hoo-Ha-Ha!"

"Dunedain: the other white meat."

"Clove is Medieval kind of adventure talk."

"You're my same level. We could have been amigos."

"You can replace human with pork as appropriate."

"I no longer have a target. Who's standing next to me?"

"This is foolish. Why don't we just stand up top and cast spells 'til
Chris comes to us."

"Have hearse will travel."

"Don't worry about us! Shut the door!"

"The game's not over, Mr. Skeleton!"

"And Chris is, like, crippled... all around a big bonus."

"No, Cuckoo for Puckoo."

"I shall now lie here and suck up the vicarious experience."

"I'm human! I'm human!"

"There's all that man-loving gotta be done after we kill Chris."

"92! 92! Plus my 38."

"You're even more of a wuss now that you're dead."

"From Woses with Love."

"Pucker-Up Elf Boy."

"You change your action from stun to all-out!?"

"Surrender or die... we have killed your evil leader and our former
chum."

"Fuck, Bill. When you roll over 20 you're going to be deadly."

"Elves are immortal. Why would I need a will?"

"It's not a new girlfriend, it's just a new dress."

"I shy away from it."

"I won't pay more than 5 gold for a tombstone!"

"No, but he's critted out, stop hitting him."

"I thought people were going to help me."

"I should attack more people in the flank; you're next Chris."

"Don't mind the entrails, folks."

"Yah! Oink!"

"My mom could really use a servant to carry all her weapons."

"I'm not asking you to be an accomplice, just be quiet."

"Ever been raped in Mordor, son?"

"It'll take more than a few days. I AM fifth level."

"My giant killing penis is bigger than yours."

"Let's dig a mine. Tee-Hee."

"Ow! I got coke in my eye!"

"Look, mom, I've come home with a giant, a corsair and a retarded
person."

"It was a whole point of damage. Get over it."

"Oh, he's going to kill me, the fucker."
"You're already dead."
"Oh."

"I saw it's goddamn scrotum. It's like a vault."

"We can have our way with her."
"With her, hell, what about the dragon?"

"You should leave money for those."

"Loose lips sink ships. That's an old Dunedain saying."

"I don't know. They were fucking me in the ass. Who knows what I told
them?"

"No, some of them have biscuits."

"For some time, my characters hopes for Gondor have been with the
hobbit's armies."

"Grandma got run over by Mithrandir."

"He could tell us about the other NBA teams."

"I've heard many things about you, and am trying to see if they all
fit into that suit of yours."

"Let's face it, the evil people are doing it, not me."

"No, I MADE the souffle out of his entrails."

"I suppose I need to give you something to make yourself perdier."

"I have one word, and it's: paurry."

"Yeah, you're not one of those lousy rat fuckers."

"mmmmmmm... honeyed evil."

"We could send the Woses in here, and they could defeat this shit."

"Actually, I can't see in the dark too."

"You're not putting your little dwarven mouth all over my flute."

"Suck me, Elrond, I made it in."

"It's better to die than to lose a +10 bow."

"She's not a dim bulb."
"But she's being chased by two."

"I'm a mockingbird. You look funny."

"I stick on Glorfindel's ass."

"I hope these skeletons don't animate."

"Oh, I'm turning green. Someone let me off this ship!"

"Thinking I'm just a puny orc, he thinks three crits, he's nearly
dead."

"E crits are nothing; look like the trolls are the weakest of the
bunch."

"So, you're Very Hard about Dunhuet?"

"Hey, that's my combination!"

"Of course they're evil, they're just not very good at it."

"Strike to brain!"
"I'd like to argue that this does nothing to Dave."

"I can be a bush."

"Are they feeding us?"
"Not yet."
"My god!"

"Let's see what kind of a man he is."

"I'm MacGuyver."

"You wouldn't talk so tough if I had all my crap."

"It's a magic thing of wuss slaying. Here, stand real close, Shannon."

"Look at this, baby orc."

"Dark Lord Forever!"

"How long have you been a major force of evil?"

"Everyone knows you don't barbeque elf. What the hell!?"

"All outs Dave? Oh, that's me!"

"Polite is not lying."

"He's the prisoner formally known as Prince."

"For god's sake, save the farm boy."

"I'm a North Man Woman."

"Possible trepidation. Woooo. Write that one down."

"We're the force of good. This'll look good on me."

"I'll never forget you Malloc."

"Help! A little child is chasing us down!"

"I can feel it! I gotta do dumb crap!"

"Everyone was cozy, and had frosting for beds."

"It's the Donald of trees."

"Eagle delivery!"

"MAYBE someone's a master riddler. I haven't seen their sheets."

"You ever seen a midget without an eagle?"

"Lord! I hope that's an elf of Rohan."

"Puny heroes kill elves."

"Bier? All right! woooooo..."

"They're not equipped with Noldo-vision."

"The rest of us suck up the statistical impossibility of Donald still
being alive."

"That was positively VanHornian."

"That's the best line I've ever heard."

"You're the best of the trailer park elves."

"You're the best elf; he sucks!"

"You are the cause of all of mankind's Woses."

"Should I borrow Shrin's horse?"

"They have butts like sandpaper, I tell you."

"Announce me, girl."

"Those trailer park elves just didn't cut it."

"I'm hoping people will think to get on his rear."

"They should be able to take care of everything... short of a
blood-crazed vampire."

"But I say this in our secret language, Adunaic."

"You are the Duke of the Trailer Park elves, for I have already seen
the King."

"Nice legacies."

"Billy's a Trailer Park Gabter."

"You know you're in trouble when you're depending on Trailer Park
elves."

"Treed me a moron! Treed me a moron!"

"Toss the rope down here."
"Well, OK."

"You're dead."
"But he still wants it."

"What, the naked guy?"

"I'm definitely looking for cavorting."

"I'd notice this, were I a spider."

"Her breasts were like giant croissants."

"It's your powerful loin callouses."

"Orcs... you know, they rape people."
"THAT'S A MYTH!!!"

"You wouldn't happen to have healing arts... a big cushion?"

"Of course he'll be a vegetable brain for now on."

"Boy, Chris sure knows the rules a lot better nowadays."

"Kevin's gathering his forces. When he has enough characters he'll
demand a vote on something."

"As Donald gets taken down for loitering."

"...Lie Here."

"Hey Chris, doesn't that orc look familiar?"

"I'll live, because the orcs will take me."

"This it the best axe that no D&D player would ever want."

"Who's this that's doing the complicate rule crap? He's next!"

"We got a mouthy virgin over here."

"He died at the hands of a woman and child."

"He double bitch slapped your ass."

"Stop rooting in the dirt, boys..."

"I'm willing to screw Chris."

"I'm going to make a new character named Gibbit the Younger."

"Saw something shiny, and it's over."

"There were two on gravy dick last round."

"Kevin is such an enigma; if this were G-Force, he would be Mark."

"If I gotta be gravy dick, you're mashed potato butt."

"Shannon sets himself off in an empty room."

"I'm eating everything in my pocket."

"I don't believe in Mexicans; I go through the door."

"I do believe Chris knows the rules better than you, Dave."

"I've heard this crap for a thousand years."

"I comment on how I would have let them pick up their weapon."

"Ohhhhh.... modern injuns."

"Let them have dick."

"Every great plan starts with 'we all split up'."

"After a full meal, the wargs will get groggy and lay down."

"Man, Chris, you're so stupid."

"Chris, stop standing in the fire."

"No, I'm evil, he's Satan."

"You know, I kill goats in that sink."

"Will anything happen if I throw my shield?"

"Does my magic shield do anything when I talk to the pretty lady?"

"I do my laundry while holding my magic shield."

"Does the shield do anything against orcs?"

"You hurt my mom. You raped my friend in plate."

"Ask if your shield stops the bleeding."

"I've got a bad case of 'roids... Can I sit on your shield?"

"Hold on. GRUNT. all right."

"Does Chris get assassin bonuses for his shield?"

"Please, can I have some of your copper."

"I rub silver on Chris' shield."

"See if the shield will heal the tree."

"Chris, would you mind leaving your shield out to keep watch."

"We've done far dumber."

"I'm very aware what it sounds like to shuffle in and out of clothing,
from that one episode we had. WINK."

"Will you be smart enough next time?"
"No."

"Does the shield help when I'm being raped?"
"Well, you're not pregnant."

"Does Chris' shield help him see in the dark?"

"I have ahold of him, but I don't have him pinned. Can I drag him into
the darkness?"

"Chris, your shield glows brightly as you rape the orc."

"Do you want to join the party? You're the best orc I've ever met."

"I've got my dice in my hand. PANT. PANT."

"Let's all turn around and moon it."
"Oh, good, attract it."

"Yeah. Even worse, you're a unique wuss."

"You're the only one with the power to produce lollypops."

"I smacked the spider, but I did not smack the deputy."

"I can't answer the phone; I'm scared."

"YOU FUCKING DICKS. You're supposed to kill the orcs, not let them
join your party."

"We should get one of the spiders to join us."

"I never realized how annoying it is to hear a story again and again."

"It was very funny, and we all laughed and laughed and laughed."

"Yeah, but I'm a live traitor."

"I've never been to Mordor."

"Even if he has to hit himself, he always uses his stun berries."

"I *AM* the only reason she's in the party."

"All aboard the Mordor express."

"I was doing perfectly fine until two units were teleported into my
rear."

"Is there a plan now for us to get a 12 year old girl?"

"I hate NPCs. Get out."

"Take it like a hobbit."

"Help! Help! It's pulling him away!"

"Cool graphics; couldn't of done that a few years ago."

"Oh. Too. Heavy."

"He's going to teleport two units up my rear again."

"Wine cellar! Woo! Score!"

"I think maybe you better lay off those."

"You hunting, elf?" "No, we're hunting bear."

"I'm so perdy."

"Dave Sweet is a Spear of back-biting."

"Did that work?" "Yup."

"You're going to bed without dinner." "Aren't you lactating?"

"Shannon, you should write that down; it's immoral for you not to."

"If it looks like we're going to lose, kill Donald."

"I'd do everything else the same, except I'd roll better."

"I think, 'If two more people go down, I'm going to break.'"

"If it wasn't for my attempt to be kind, I'd've been smacked with that
98."

"I got rug burns for Billy." "That's nothing new."

"Ask Denise. She'll know."

"I believe when we get these arrows back, light will shine in
Mirkwood."

"You tie up the trees; I'll go look."

"It explodes." "You're kidding." "No." "God, you're dumb."

"Well, I fuck Kevin's horse."

"Or your dad's a dirty rotten traitor."

"He's not playing with a full can of peas."

"They're just trees with a bunch of communists in them."

"Hey, can I trade you these Nazi symbols?"

"I want this standing here in a 1000 years." "I'll fondle it every
day."

"You should have asked the Duke of Poontang."

"He has a king-like gait." "Ohhhhh..."

"If we can keep paying them off."

"Someone's frozen to their horse."

"It's got Holiday Inn at the back because that's where they stole it
from."

"The Berry Nazi."

"I got a used one. God damn it."

"Oppressive Dark Evil Oppression."

"Because I'm the most good PC, and you're the most evil."

"Doesn't happen with my girlfriend." 
"Cause you don't have one?"
"Cause your horse is dead."

"Oh, you read this module too."

"Just a minute... consider yourself being seduced... I have to figure
out my number."

"Uh-oh. It *IS* open-ended."

"You go home and tell your mom you're salacious, you ignorant fuck."

"I've gotta give you some tips on hitting on women."

"You're his bitch, man."

"I was thinking, it's a good thing Chris is playing both of them,
because he *MUST* know what's going on."

"They're getting screwed in the end anyways."

"Look at his handwriting. God is an understatement."

"Mmmmm. I'm glad I'm party leader."

"She made chicken noises. God I'm hungry."

"There's this big tree-covered glen." 
"Hiya Glen."

"My mother always said, better to piss on an orc, than piss off an
orc."

"The moron in their watch is trying to get over here."

"If you make an arrow, you make it of something good slaying."

"'Same as Last Time' confused me."

"The only person I ever played when they weren't there was Chris, and
I insulted myself and took it personally."

"Smoking smack with Galadriel."

"I was hoping you'd say a Mithril Ring would do it."

"And it licks itself."

"I listen to my talking horse."

"I know I don't know about that, but I can be bitter unconsciously."

"Like Hell am I writing that down."

"This is David Sweet. I have a moral victory. Can I help you?"

"Yeah, if you get too close to Shannon he'll lick you."

"I have to *hit* something?"

"This is actually the attack phase? Hey? What the Hell?"

"You know you want my body."

"I go and all-out attack this guy." 
"That's Me."

"I run over to the nearest one and whack it in the back."
"That'd be the one in front of you since it's not dead yet."

"Once again Dan has proven, even in his absence, that he is the
superior roleplayer."

"We're getting half XP; I never fight when we're at half XP."

"The stats on Dave's orc-slaying axe... SSSSSSSSS...
duhn-duhn-duhn-duhn-duhn-duhn."

"What would you prefer me to hit you with?"

"Watch me, man."

"John, he doesn't do this all the time... sometimes he's busy
poisoning you."

"Sometimes there's too much senseless carnage in this game."

"I don't understand. I'm very confused. I'm tempted to argue with
Dave."

"You know, we actually hit, we just don't like Dave."

"I didn't want to die."

"We stock our own dungeons."

"The font of experience points? It's a big gaudy font."

"Dinnerware! Dinnerware! In my contract... I get the dinnerware."

"We got a +20 arrow, we can eat for weeks."

"I hit 6."
"6 is Kevin's horse."

"Fuck. I'm screwed like a dog."

"You know the problem is you were never punished as a child for
accidents."

"I saw a child today that was about 3 years old, looked just like your
girlfriend."

"I can't wait 'til I get back to Hobbiton and get me a Mule Garden."

"Well, someone had to hold the mule."

"Except for the fact that you were a wuss, that was pretty damned
triumphant."

"Donald will ride towards the guards and say 'I don't even know what's
going on here."

"I've never seen Donald take direct action of any type."

"But I don't think Donald is naturally as aggressive."

"Don't let him slight your plan; point out that 20 bit again."

"You're from Dol Amroth."
"Yeah."

"Donald's Jason Kidd in a few years after a lot of drinking."

"I'm gonna have to sneak into your room and scratch your cornea or
something."

"Cackle. Cackle. Cackle. Oof! Get off me you buffoon."

"I change actions and speechify during movement. 'Ha-Ha'"

"Tar Baby just sit and don't say nuffin."

"I think we should put Chris in the armor and see if he turns into a
tar baby."

"That's not what's so weird, it's when you know what you're talking
about."

"Enjoys being raped by Colin's character? What!?"

"Ahh!!! Fruit!!!"

"We can just write 'Kill Me' on our shirts and walk in, and then see
if they can."

"Shit. I wish I'd died a different way."

"'Save the woman' he's screaming, and I don't see any around."

"No, but the table hits him with a darkbolt."

"Whenever I see a wall of flame I leap through."

"Yes. Yes! Yes!!"
"Do you swear?"
"Maybe."

"You're talling me you deflowered some little girl?"

"You know she's already done everyone else in the party?"

"It was a pretty damned tough dining room table."

"The mage blasts you."
"What a shock!"

"Have you ever known Kevin to change his mind?"
"I ride off."

"Must have been that century I spent drinking formeldahyde."

"But Kevin and Sweet snuck off."
"For a quickie."

"I do agree it's worth their lives, but the price is higher than we
needed to pay."
"I'm not a bargain shopper."

"I think you're addicted, man."

"You better watch it or I'll let you at him."

"I'm just saying they're not as understanding as us."

"I have the finest of all cultures; it should trickle down to the
masses."

"He called you a woman, Dave."

"They start trying to shave you Chris, do you do anything?"
(quietly) "No."

"It's like Hari Krishnas gone bad."

"You're notching a bow in your arrow?"
"Exactly."

"Chris, teach me how to be a woman."

"No, wait, just bake a REALLY big cake."

"I can't bend over, I'm too full."

"Don't you dare write that down, you asshole."

"He's not as good as our cook, but better than our scouts."

"I just run. I can't beat up Galadorn. I hated Chris' character."

"But I could take one with me."
"And then we're all dead, hoorah!"

"I need a C to crit."
"But I have a light source."

"Where's that dwarf?"
"He's back there maiming the Noldo."

"He's calling yours the diminuitive altercation."

"It's questionable whether they can beat our chef."

"Free the Bitch! Free the Bitch!"

"No, I taunt the corpse."

"Can you be a little less vague about this?"
"No, I'm evil."

"I'm her orkan love child; I follow her around until I make her cry."

"You're playing dumb cop, dumber cop."

"I was 6'5" until I got to the healers and there were no herbs."

"My thigh gives luck but my hand doesn't!? What kind of perverse sicko
are you?"

"The conservation of good theory?"

"Someone write that down; Chris was right."

"I frolic merrily, for I have had much wine."

"Just like Berker."
"Yeah."
"Berker was evil, you moron."

"After that Giant took him to Mordor, he'd be in no shape."

"Why did every thing slow down?"

"Hey, wait, you have party loot!"

"Who has disturbed me?"
"It was the Noldo!"

"Are you a Veteran Sneaker?"
"I'm an All-Star Sneaker!"

"Mt. Elvinbabe. You get to plant your flag."

"I hope Donald gets out, otherwise... this arm... I'm going to feel
awful stupid."

"She sure did make a lot of dust."

"Hey, Dunhuet's not here; watch this negotiating skill."

"The Grim-monster? That's a legend."

"You guys couldn't fight your way through a post."

"We'll assume he's Schrodinger's cook."

"Oh, just trying to use the outhouse here."

"He wants to get her alone to show her his greatness."

"Two of you, hold this rope! Or, we can do this the hard way."

"Aren't you a little short for a Noldo?"

"I've never been with a Noldo Elf!"

"I run for the cell!"

"And I have these elf-killing daggers I picked up in the Shire."

"By the way, I'm giving 6 my rear, as much as I can."

"One time, I just put my shield up to a door and got idea points."
"That's cause you'd been so stupid before."

"No second level is going to crit Lord King God Buffoo."

"Fortunately they make their elf-slaying daggers out of chocolate."

"White One says, 'Hold them off,' then speechifies."

"Fill any holes? That's nasty."

"Why can't we fight the Fibonacci series? It would go slower."

"Man, you better be good in bed because you suck in combat."

"Woo Sweet Kube! Woo Sweet Kube!"

"Othi the Toast-Breaker."

"And in fact this is kinda creepy."
"Because you like it?"

"Not the butt!"

"What happens to our mutual suicide pact?"

"I'm discussing the Stockholm Sydrome; write that down."

"All I know is I find it impossible out of two million sperm you were
the first, because you're always late."

"I get the distinct impression you're cheating."

"Donald draws in the face of danger."

"Actually, you drank the Balrog under the table."

"I'll gnaw through the pig bladder."

"Flaming bush! We've seen the flaming bush!"

"I've always wanted to bolo a Balrog."

"Chris said something clever."

"I can go back to the Halls of Mandos and say I was killed by a
Balrog."
"Yeah, you and half the other people there."

"I have ten friends."
"Argh, not that!"

"Eew. My kind of Fell Beast."

"You know you're in trouble if you're a Balrog and people are trying
to subdue you."

"Any one know a riddle?"
"I know a conundrum."

"It's obviously a joke bow."

"I freeze to my horse."

"Orcs look like this... OH MY GOD! GET OFF ME!"

"Hey we're orcs."
"RAAARGH!"

"I think that you're an orkaholic."

"Does a random piece of clothing fall off Kube?"

"See you... uh... I guess not."

"That would be a lot more fun then tying them up."

"Do I have a bow? Of course I have a bow!"

"It's attached to your horse."

"Donald has to shake off the immediate desire to attack the tree."

"You hear heavy breathing and a little girl sobbing."
"Now we know why Radagast didn't get gold stars."

"Shannon sounds like a deer when he's attacked."

"Radagast is next."

"I'd rather use mine during sex and blow the top of her head off."

"You got gonads THIS big."
"And it's slowing us down."

"No, we'll tie him to an evil tree."

"One of the rules of MERP is that evil is overconfident."
"Really? So is good! What a coincidence."