The Book of Shannon ============================================================================== The Shannon spoke the word. We ate of the word and the word was good. Mmmmm, chocolate. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pendragon 1 1. How are the cows and the sheep? 2. He sayth, "I don't mind that it doesn't make sense". 3. I think I know where I found out how much dogs cost. 4. You can catch more bees with honey then with vinegar. 5. Here cup your hands like this; oh shit, I'll get you a container. 6. Bill is good; Bill is great. 7. Don't tell me; for once I was right and you were wrong when it came to memory. Write that down. 8. My digestion is quite... 9. You earned it Dave. congratulations. 10. You clearly have learned a lot, but you don't use it. 11. If she is going to be that way then you should just say, "Yes, dear." 12. You ever been gored by a boar? 13. It is a niggling problem. 14. You know he will be especially vulnerable when he pulls his night shirt over his head. 15. Wrong, wrong, wrong. No capitals. No campfires. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ErzoQuest 1 1. We have no out. We're going in. 2. Chris give us all checks again. 3. Dave doesn't do it, live with it. 4. You were right, he doesn't have any chest...armour. 5. Dave is Great. Dave is good. 6. There ain't enough armour left...to something. 7. You notice the other powerbook is in the room and no one is using it. 8. Offer them a piece of our door. Give um a handle. 9. Beeehheetooo. 10. Bite me dough boy. 11. Every gabter we ever saw used some weird ass weapon. 12. Dave said, "he is giving me a head ache. Kill him." 13. Shit, top ranking non blind guy is in charge. 14. Sometimes I get this incredible urge. Bury the door. Bury a rock slug. Bury the wagon. Bury me. 15. Shush, now we have something on the second in command. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Merp 1 1. Eric might be nice. 2. Write that down. 3. Stop me if you have heard this one before. An immortal was walking down a road. 4. You were supposed to react. I mocked you one way and then I mocked you the other. 5. Don't shoot until they uncloak. 6. The wall of glass absorbs sound. 7. He made the fatal mistake of forgetting they were PCs. 8. Chris asked us not to talk about that. What, lying? Yeah, with his girlfriend. 9. The Shannon spoke and all agreed his wisdoms were the unbounded flights of doves. 10. Yay, the minds of mortals are bird cages without walls. 11. All but one turns and flees, goose- stepping as they go. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pendragon 2 1. You know you missed several brillant statements by being late. 2. I bet Chris just sits around and day dreams about power gaming. 3. And then the Shannon spoke, "Oh Giant robot, Giant robot!" 4. Woo is not two people. 5. I'll tell you something if you promise not to think me crazy. 7. Sometimes the devil whispers in my ear. 8. Eyes and ears of the Shannon were cast upon the group when it was declared, Kevin doesn't have to promise to never marry me, but damn it Shannon you promise. 9. Or it could be a ogre with very small feet. 10. I double hate being outwitted by Woo. 11. He does not count anyone else in the party and he counts Woo twice. 12. In my world all sharks lay eggs. 13. The Shannon proclaims Chris's wisdom. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pendragon 3 1. Kevin, you better not come next week. And the follower responded, "Why because we are not gaming?" 2. You keep putting higher on a pestal soon I won't be able to get in the door. 3. Billy you are the only one smart enough to pay attention. 4. Doesn't suck to be outwitted by Eric. 5. Mark that down Dave, the way I said that I was all upset because I killed the guy before he had a chance to tell you that very important fact, so sayth the Shannon. 6. 4d6??? I take that back; he's not a munchkin. No, he's still a munchkin, he's just a sorry ass munchkin...write that down! 7. At arms!! Ehh? He attacks you. What the hell was that? 8. and then the Shannon said glory to the poets that ryme but damnation unto any poet whom follows this vile modernism of not Rhyming the only way to escape the seventh hell is to glorify me in verse. 9. I mayest not read from the book for Dave is always right. 10. You seem to have trouble understanding GM speak. 11. A miracle of the Shannon: After a demon had draged my beeper to Hell he made a new beeper this is testifed to by both me and Davidius. 12. I was right and you're demented. 13. Well what if he fucks you? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ErzoQuest 2 1. Yea, but the guys who go truffle hunting usually don't go around wearing truffle armour. 2. Well, then I hope it turns me to stone. 3. Damnit, it's not a daemon. 4. I think if this thing turns Dave to stone then I will turn and flee. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Merp 2 1. Eric is 100% correct for once. 2. You can't have women bullying you. 3. I'd hurt my hips if I walked like that all the time. 4. So if we split up.... 5. We must kill ourself so he will not kill us. 6. Chris good. Eric is great. 7. The Shannon could have doubled his titheing, but instead he spoketh, "that big money is too much pressure." 8. This is our last best hope to take him out. 9. Oops, I read my dice backwards. I actually rolled a 44. 10. You know what I am willing to do, if you impress me? 11. Go ahead and call me a stupid cunt. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Merp 3 1. How about a diamond gorget? 2. Detect black cloud; Black-Cloud way. 3. Suck my dick, Chris. 4. I apologize for pointing out a rule I assume you knew. 5. I am as nimble as a fox. I must be losing weight. I erase a pound. 6. When Orcs grow up they turn into Trolls. 7. We live vicariously through the actions of the NPCs. 8. Whoa, the Shannon is a prude. For he sensors great wisdom due to crudeness. All should know, "you'll feel it because they'll knock out your teeth with their spiney penis'." 9. The Shannon is not above mortal influence, for the Rowe sayth, "think about ridgid" and the Shannon replyth, "I'm excited." 10. Six points of damage and a partridge in a pear tree. 11. I'm only a woman; put the eighty against him. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Merp 4 1. I'm the Captain! 2. Let's go find more bad guys to give stuff to. 3. We're playing good cop/bad cop, but we are getting our roles mixed up. 4. I'm an orc, you're an orc, we're all orcsÉ 5. Dave fell down the hoooleÉ 6. You heard the phrase, "when pigs fly."? 7. Your wrong, but I respect your right to be wrong. 8. Keep mouthing off Noldo. You'll wake up missing a body part from your deeeep sleep. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pendragon 4 1. d 2. The Pope's a Jew. 3. Most people on the Chaosium Digest don't have assholes like you for players, you son of a bitch. 4. He put a tarantula in his mouth and blew bubbles. 5. I get it. Chris didn't used to make such jokes. 6. Red rover, red rover, send David Sweet over. 7. She killed him guilt-wise but not glory-wise. 8. Shut up you ignorant bitch. 9. Logres is the sweaty scrotum of Britain. 10. You aren't very good at this racist stuff. Think of them as homosexuals. 11. I was wrong and David Sweet is likened to a god. 12. Chris lost interest. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pendragon 5 1. Unix style beer? 2. You can't count Donald because she is a woman. 3. Christine Van Horn É that's a pretty name. 4. I have no money. And soon you will have no clothes. 5. Chris, I love you, poo-ka asshole. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Star Wars 1 1. The Shannon spoke not. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Merp 5 1. I disagree. I have heard you complain about jelly problems in the past. 2. Wait let's mock Chris, ha ha ha ha ha ha ... 3. If you killed my horse, I might fall off. 4. Quick someone write this down, Chris was right. 5. Being a Noldo, he always thinks it is bigger than it really is. 6. Beat that horse. Cut off it's head and put it in Took's bed. 7. I am going to bend that Nazgžl over and take him to Mordor. 8. You are all too easily amused. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pendragon 6 1. When asked the Shannon said, "David Sweet is my best, warmest, softest friend." 2. Ooh, Ooh you are going to fast. 3. You do the Wiley Coyote thing, aieeee. 4. We feed off each other. Its like synergy. 5. And you heard ... oh, look at that, a Mr. Pibb! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Merp 6 1. And yay does not the Shannon read words of wisdom from other tomes? He does. Morgoth produced the Giant races in an attempt to mock Eru's handiwork and combat the powerful Onadrim (Ents). -Creatures of Middle Earth ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pendragon 7 1. What boon would you make on me? 2. Why don't you ask me a computer question so I can slap you down again? 3. Shit, what are you doing Billy? 4. That's almost a direct Quote. 5. You're quoting round like humans? 6. I don't know what that means but I said it! say anything. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pendragon 8 1. You guys enter the last tourmament in the world. 2. Fuck you and the cat you rode in on. 3. Whoever said that owes a quarter. Who said that? You did ! Oh. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pendragon 9 1. Anyone want to challenge Gwen the serving wench. 2. I know marijuana. You don't smell like marijuana. You aren't a friend of mine. 3. One does not need to decide between nookie and gaming the Shannon proclaims they can do it with Dave while here. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pendragon 10 1. What do you do? Do you all-out attack, all-out defend, do you scream, "Don't attack me I am a little girl." 2. Yes, no. 3. I just got them back and now you want me to loan them out again. What am I a tape slut? 4. I thought you were going to give us a blow job. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pendragon 11 1. Ooh, killed by another vegetable. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Merp 7 1. Woo! Sweeet Kuuube. 2. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?", he says comtemplatively while starring at the stars. 3. If there was a fag on your back would you beat him off. 4. I will not speak with zee french accŽnt. 5. You can tell because he said elf-babe. Hu Hu Hu Hu. 6. I'm not prosthetic either. 7. No no I am the girl. 8. Only the wolves will chase us down and kill us like dogs. 9. I'm going to write it down but it ain't funny. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Merp 8 1. It's just a hat of corpse of corpse. 2. We get to forty feet and attack them as our friends cum on their butts. 3. Magic-Missile movement combat. 4. Hold on I'll write that down what is your name. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pendragon 12 1. Give your reins to the man in the black livery. 2. I searched the whole island until I found a place with a dark cloud that never left. So I built my castle there. 3. Goodie, Goodie. Doh! 4. Say Nigh On something. "Nigh on to eternity." 5. Clothed, not clothed. Clothed, not clothed. Aaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Merp 9 1. I wish I had a whip so I could say I whupped a balrog. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pendragon 13 1. I think I'll just sit here and enjoy that pun in silence for a while. 2. Help me. I've fallen. You look pretty in a dress. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Merp 10 1. Tell Galadorn, "If he goes to Dol Guldor, he will die." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Star Wars 1 1. I fuck Kevin's speeder bike. 2. Let it be known Dave thought this was true because as he said quote, bounty hunter armour is cool. 3. Wow, that blaster is simply stunning. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ MERP 11 1. Whew, I hit Kevin. That's the highest level creature I have hit with a bow. 2. On the bright side you have removed my ear wax. 3. Do they say oink oink oink. 4. He is going to rip me a new asshole while he's using me. 5. Are you going to rape them in the mouth. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pendragon 14 1. Yeah, but he was right. 2. Rome is like a rock and I crush your scissors. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Merp 12 1. Dave has sex with Shannon I lose SAN. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Star Wars 2 1. Do not sodomize in the hall, sodomize in the butt, so sayth the Shannon. 2. Wanna join the mile high club? I'm pretty fast. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Realms 1 1. You can not triple team them when we only out number them by one. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pendragon 15 1. If you had a stag on your back would you beat it off. 2. You're just looking for truffle. 3. On a scale of 1 to 10 this is very damage. 4. When searching for truffles and you only find little bits, it's always just the chocolate. 5. Bite me ba-be. 6. I haven't been cavorting; there weren't any hand stands involved. 7. If I was any more clever you'd call me a beaver. 8. Eat me and my moral victory. 9. When asked if you are evil it is best to answer, "No I am just misunderstood." 10. God shines on those who takes things literally. 11. God sayeth that the food cometh before the fall. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Realms 1 1. I try to tell Chris such things on the phone and he always gets flustered and starts babbling "I didn't know he was a man." 2. You fool I love pain. Whip me; beat me. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Realms 2 1. I pull both weapons and go full boar, oink, oink. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pendragon 16 1. He is not force to truffle with. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Realms 3 1. Do you have any Drow in stocks? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Realms 4 1. I didn't say anything shit clever. 2. Dope. I figure if you drop the e change the d to a c and he'd be a cop, so he must about kick'n in doors. 3. Fortune favors the bold, babe-bee. 4. Bugbears are godly. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Realms 5 1. He can't die in ten years; he's tripled class. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Star Wars 3 1. I liked him alot better when he was buying us all drinks. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Realms 6 1. Everything we've thrown on the island which has disappeared has had a shirt on it. 2. Anything is worth the risk. 3. I'd suck scum off the ground if it were dangerous. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Realms 7 1. Common Wine. Here it is under C. 2. Dork and Orc in a clork 3. As long as there are ravens in the tower it will not fall 4. Good day mate; throw another human on the barbie. 5. Of course I all-out defended, there was no one else on my bug. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Star Wars 4 1. Phillip K. Dick is just the sort of guy who'd change his name to impress people. 2. They're ignoring me because I am using a sporting blaster. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Realms 8 1. My advantage is that I don't have a plan so we can't be foiled by it failing. 2. If we fail then we gain the chance to succeed in the future, unless we die. 3. Great, all I get is the back end and I have to stimulate with electricity? 4. 399 Kobolds. Pass one round and bat it around. 398 Kobolds. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Realms 9 1. Remember when you put down someone but you really didn't and you did it with a really big word? 2. If we don't watch it we'll get reamed by the ram. 3. You're the coolest rat I ever saw. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Realms 10 1. You can't take the bar out of the bard. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Star Wars 5 1. But, but, you can't live your life in a world of butts. 2. On a clear die you can see forever. 3. So you are saying that they are light repeating markers. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Realms 11 1. It's time like these I am glad I don't keep quotes for this game. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Realms 12 1. I asked for speculation not fact. 2. I was babbling; it's what I do. 3. Cheater, cheater, pants on feeter. 4. Round killing thing you Dumass. 5. He only went after it because he thought it was the Blazing Sword of Just-Us. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Realms 13 1. I'll give you my blazing sword of compassion, baby. 2. I probably could have taken him if he not tottaly out class. 3. I don't know. It has us boggled by just sitting there. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ We put the meat on sticks and had Otter Pops.